Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
In America we eat man semen.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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