I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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