We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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