somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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