He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
