i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
