Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
