I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
