I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
