ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
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i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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