You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
