I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
