he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
