you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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