I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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