Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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