This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
