did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
