I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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