do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
