I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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