Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
