Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
