I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
