3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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