69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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