Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
