The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
