omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
