I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
