Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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