ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
