Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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