Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
