Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
