never play flip cup with pint glasses
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
