i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize