..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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