it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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