WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
