hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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