Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
