That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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