stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
