it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you mean i was at the winter classic?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They have beer where we have blood.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
