everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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