dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
