He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
