so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
