The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
