My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
