remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
