All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
