You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize