did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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