He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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