eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
