quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
zippers are such a cool invention
this just has baby written all over it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
