If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Green mimosas i think yes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
