Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
pop tarts are not kleenex
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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