She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
