Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
