You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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