Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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