Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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