I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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